Gangster Banana Pants

23. winnipeg. blablahblah.

Monopoly is Life

So I downloaded the Monopoly game on my phone. I was playing it all day at work and kept getting beat by Computers. It got so bad that I felt like I had a personal vendetta against these guys. So I decided to play one more game. This one was different.

I kept getting lucky rolls, getting all the important properties, while some of them kept landing on stupid spots like Free Parking or Just Visiting. Eventually I had amassed enough property to start building houses. I knew that this was my turn to take these guys down, and hard. I was ecstatic. Eventually, they started hitting my properties, paying out hundreds and thousands. I thought I would be happy but I realized I wasn’t. 

They had to sell their properties to pay me. “Mortgaged” signs littered the board. I started questioning, “what if they just needed those properties to feed their families?” I took all their sources of income. Their only hope was to hit GO and collect $200. Alas, they did not. For they went to jail.

Things weren’t always so lucky for me, I would land on Chance,and get slammed with a “speeding fine.” It was for $15. This was too easy to pay, but I could imagine for those guys who were already in debt, this money would just make it that much harder for them. The game doesn’t care, it is a flat rate for everybody. 

So I ended up winning the game and started reflecting. I could never be some millionaire that takes advantage over people. It would be too much for me. This game was just too deep.

Like my pockets.

The World’s Greatest Detective.

iraffiruse:

Frozach Submitted

SERFBORD.

(via the-absolute-best-gifs)

singingtowers:

SORRY

(via ruinedchildhood)

jeffrothehomo:

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I’m a woman’s man: no time to talk.

(via prguitarman)

Fuck this movie.

(via failbag)

collegehumor:

Somebody Took A Mormon Anti-Masturbation Video And Set It To 50 Cent. And It Works.

I hope you don’t plan on being productive for the rest of the day, because the internet is about to muck that up. 

First things first, Jehovah’s Witnesses do not want people to be jerking it, especially deaf people. Probably because the risk of somebody walking in on them is even greater, and that’s just going to be awkward for everyone. (There’s no telling how many times Annie Sullivan walked in on Helen Keller mid-diddle…)

Second, Mr. Stormeh dubbed 50 Cent’s “In Da Club” over the anti-masturbation video and what we have is your new go-to dance for any social event from here on out. Watch the video

prguitarman:

How I congratulate my enemies

Gah, addicted to her voice right now. Seriously check her out y’all.