Gangster Banana Pants

23. winnipeg. blablahblah.

Top: Bruno Mars #Moonshinejungle
Bottom: Beyonce+Jay-Z #OntheRun

This cutie-patootie babykins. And Cherwin’s kid. @nannersagujetas #CherwinNeedsInstagram

(via ruinedchildhood)

Been laughing at this for the last hour. The way he says wobbly.


[Fredo n Pidjin]










Bread knife

The french have grown more powerful. 


Hold it!

Look more closely at these photographs, Your Honor.

Notice anything strange about the bread?

I didn’t either. That’s because…

…no cuts were made there in the first place!

The witness forged the photographs to make it look like they had an actual bread knife, when they actually did not!

How, you ask? Look to the second photo.

While it is quite obvious that the knife is penetrating the top half of the breadstick, I’m not sure about the bottom half.

Looks pretty flat, doesn’t it?

The angle of the photo makes it look like the knife is in the witness’s breadstick, whilst it is actually behind it. In addition, the cut was actually made after the first photograph and before the second. Continue to the third photograph.

It is also taken from a flat angle, as was the second photograph. I’m sure you’re finding something missing in this photograph as well, Your Honor. Where is the index finger’s fingertip?

This illustration explains it all.

While I am… ahem, not the best artist…

(Didn’t I go to art school?)

The index finger is hidden behind the loaf of bread. It is not wrapping around the loaf of bread. This is because…

The witness was making space to put the knife’s handle!


Are you really that dull, Wright? For a man who majored in art you should be able to recognize a sculpture when you see one.

as we can see from the photos provided, this is quite obviously plastic.

if you look at any photo of real bread it can’t attain that level of shininess, and even if it could.

If you’ll notice in this picture, the bread on the inside is quite shiny, as well.

Tell me, Wright, have you ever seen real bread gleam that much? Don’t answer that, I will.

Even in this high-resolution photograph with bread that thick, it obviously wouldn’t shine on the inside when it isn’t buttered.

And it isn’t too hard to find the item in question with a quick google search.

Oh, and if you will notice, their hand was covering the seam where the bread was taken apart in the first photo with a simple comparison of the pattern on the bread.

It appears your lawyering skills are in much need of some sharpening if you expect to cut me down with that weak objection.

Edgeworth, you’re asking yourself the wrong question. It’s not “is there bread like that…”

You should be asking “can there be bread like that?”

Sweet bread can be infused with sugar or a syrup, making the outsides shinier- and the insides sweeter. Take a look.

Furthermore. there are parts of the witness’s bread knife that don’t just match up with the novelty bread knives you have presented. Take another look.

Let me point out two things about the novelty knives: one, their markings, and two, the placement of the knife itself.

In the novelty knives, the marks are artificial-looking and repeated. That is because they are manufactured. In the witness’s photo, the marks are more natural and realistic- because they are, well, real!

Furthermore, the blades on the novelty knives are in the middle of the handle.

But… look back at the witness’s photo. The knife is to the left? Where is the problem, you ask? Look at this illustration.

Here we have the knife, a piece of bread, and a table. Let’s have a go.

I’m sure you see it now, Your Honor.

The bread knife cannot actually be used to cut bread efficiently! Even if it was tilted, it would be uncomfortable and unbalanced!

The defense has an explanation for this positioning.

The blade is to the left because the witness was holding it behind the piece of bread!

Oh my good- Please, for once can we please have a post without these idiots making a mess of things? Is that too much to ask? I beseech you, just go away.


fuck off

What a world we live in



you done it


(via ruinedchildhood)


Just in case

(via ruinedchildhood)

Monopoly is Life

So I downloaded the Monopoly game on my phone. I was playing it all day at work and kept getting beat by Computers. It got so bad that I felt like I had a personal vendetta against these guys. So I decided to play one more game. This one was different.

I kept getting lucky rolls, getting all the important properties, while some of them kept landing on stupid spots like Free Parking or Just Visiting. Eventually I had amassed enough property to start building houses. I knew that this was my turn to take these guys down, and hard. I was ecstatic. Eventually, they started hitting my properties, paying out hundreds and thousands. I thought I would be happy but I realized I wasn’t. 

They had to sell their properties to pay me. “Mortgaged” signs littered the board. I started questioning, “what if they just needed those properties to feed their families?” I took all their sources of income. Their only hope was to hit GO and collect $200. Alas, they did not. For they went to jail.

Things weren’t always so lucky for me, I would land on Chance,and get slammed with a “speeding fine.” It was for $15. This was too easy to pay, but I could imagine for those guys who were already in debt, this money would just make it that much harder for them. The game doesn’t care, it is a flat rate for everybody. 

So I ended up winning the game and started reflecting. I could never be some millionaire that takes advantage over people. It would be too much for me. This game was just too deep.

Like my pockets.

The World’s Greatest Detective.